I knew it was coming...

[cabenson]

I am finishing up at work today when I get a phone call. From my mother. I looked at the calendar and realized that she is right on schedule. From the moment that she sang, "Ceee-Beee, it's your favorite mommeeeeee," I knew I was about to be charged with the task of finding The Elusive Christmas Gift. In her thought process, what can't be found in the mall back home MUST be available in Columbus. So it looks like I will be shopping for Christmas dishes this weekend. If I don't get "Harlots of Hudson Place" done by the holidays...blame my mom.

I inherited a number of traits from my mother: her ability to cook (home-made noodles are da bomb!), her quick temper, her colorful language, and her sense of humor. God help the poor sonofabitch that gets caught in the middle of this mother/daughter tag team.



Mom: Now, Mrs CB can use a nice purse, right?
Me: Oh hell no.
Mom: She doesn't carry a purse?
Me: Nope
Mom: Oh. Damn. You can use one, right?
Me: Mom! Think about who you are talking to. I am a pony-tailed, jeans and t-shirt wearing dyke! Now I AM interested in a new tool box. But not pink like the last one you got me..
Mom: Now you are being dyke-prejudiced.
Me: [trying not to laugh because I love how Mom says "dyke"] We don't carry purses. Mrs CB does wear her wallet in her back pocket tho.
Mom: There you go...being all dyke-biased again.
Me: But I strive so hard to be the stereotypical dyke. Especially for family functions.
Mom: Hmmm, okay...I am putting Mrs. CB down for this purse.
Me: Oh christ!
Mom: You know you are gonna burn in fucking hell for saying that. That and those Halloween pictures you sent, you twisted little shit.

Yeah...almost four decades and she still loves me.

Comments

[bast2.livejournal.com]

this is just....too amusing for words. =)

[cabenson.livejournal.com]

You should have seen the looks on my co-workers faces while I was on the phone...and they only heard my half of the conversation.

[aqua-blurr.livejournal.com]

Mom: You know you are gonna burn in fucking hell for saying that.

This is made me laugh out loud. And I can confirm that "little shit" is a loving term of endearment in the Midwest.

[cabenson.livejournal.com]

Yes, you may confirm that. Of course "big bitch" is also considered a loving term of endearment.

[aqua-blurr.livejournal.com]

Yes, you may confirm that.

I already did, that's why I said "I can confirm...." It is my father's preferred TOE for his favorite daughter. He just calls me "Hey you."

[cabenson.livejournal.com]

Christ...it would help if I put another pair of glasses on to read. /tool

[maroukian.livejournal.com]

Mom: Now you are being dyke-prejudiced.
LOL, oh, LOL
my god, can i buy that conversation?
no one could come up with copy like that if they tried!
you are too adorable!

[cabenson.livejournal.com]

I guess I am lucky that my mom is younger than all of my friends' moms. It makes things a bit more interesting.

[detective-tatas.livejournal.com]

HAHA!

Can i be adopted?

[cabenson.livejournal.com]

Oh, baby...I'll adopt you ANYTIME!! ;)

[detective-tatas.livejournal.com]

i'm sending over my papers and catching the next plane to america!

[mikee-pm.livejournal.com]

i love your family.
it's so... unique.

[cabenson.livejournal.com]

Yes we are...but not in a strange way.

[emd4v15.livejournal.com]

Hehe.. I love that your mother calls you a 'twisted little shit'- mine calls me a kinky bitch and she doesn't even know HALF of it- she's just going on passing comments I make about things. At 17, I feel that's quite an achievement. Imagine what she'll say when she finds out that I'm not JUST interested in boys and that my favourite toy is not my hockey stick :)