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cabensonWe celebrated the third anniversary of the "Twins" coming to live with us today. The boys had Fancy Feast Tuna, the wife and I had ice cream sundaes. Kinda bittersweet because that was also the day we had to put my female cat, Blue, down. Also bittersweet, because May 22 was the day my grandma passed away. I decided to write about her, but feel free to skip it.
Sixteen years ago today, my grandmother passed away. I was 23 and she was just a few weeks shy of 69. She and my mother never had a great relationship and so we didn't get to see her as much during the last decade of her life. I had to argue to invite her to my highschool graduation.
Grandma was a great old broad. She was widowed in her early 40's with 3 young children (my mother was 15)and she had to work to support them. She never learned to drive, so she walked everywhere, dragging my aunt and uncles behind her. She was less than thrilled to hear that I was on the way (my mom was 18), but she doted on me and the siblings that followed. We loved going there, it was so laid back. She would walk us kids to the drugstore and buy us Daffy Duck coloring books and new crayons, spending money she could ill afford. We would sit at the soda fountain and share milkshakes, then walk back to her house where we would gather at the kitchen table, coloring while the adults talked. We would all go to the store and choose bottles of pop (back when you could switch out the refundable bottle to make your own 8-pack), bags of BBQ and Sour Cream & Onion chips, and order pizza from the place where she worked. It was the best pizza in the world.
Grandma always sat at the head of the table, cigarette in one hand, a glass of iced tea in the other. She talked to herself, not because she was a nutjob, but because she was lonely. She never re-married and only went on one date after my grandfather died. It has always bothered me that she felt so alone.
Grandma was a great cook. She asked me once if I knew how to cook beef kidneys. When I told her no, she responded with a laugh, "Ya boil the piss out of them, kid!" She always made me feel good, safe. One time, she saved my life. I was choking on a piece of peppermint candy and she just reached down my throat and pulled it out. As a freshman in high school, I was hospitalized for what they initially thought was leukemia. When I woke up that first morning, she was there at my bedside and she stayed in town for a few days even though she was losing money by missing work.
The night before her funeral, we gathered at her house and ate pizza, chips and pop. It almost felt normal.
Maybe my grandmother wasn't the most perfect person in the world, but she was the one person I loved more than anyone on this earth. To this day, I see her in my dreams and I struggle to find out why. What message is she sending me? Why do I still dream about her after all these years? And what do I do if they stop?
Sixteen years ago today, my grandmother passed away. I was 23 and she was just a few weeks shy of 69. She and my mother never had a great relationship and so we didn't get to see her as much during the last decade of her life. I had to argue to invite her to my highschool graduation.
Grandma was a great old broad. She was widowed in her early 40's with 3 young children (my mother was 15)and she had to work to support them. She never learned to drive, so she walked everywhere, dragging my aunt and uncles behind her. She was less than thrilled to hear that I was on the way (my mom was 18), but she doted on me and the siblings that followed. We loved going there, it was so laid back. She would walk us kids to the drugstore and buy us Daffy Duck coloring books and new crayons, spending money she could ill afford. We would sit at the soda fountain and share milkshakes, then walk back to her house where we would gather at the kitchen table, coloring while the adults talked. We would all go to the store and choose bottles of pop (back when you could switch out the refundable bottle to make your own 8-pack), bags of BBQ and Sour Cream & Onion chips, and order pizza from the place where she worked. It was the best pizza in the world.
Grandma always sat at the head of the table, cigarette in one hand, a glass of iced tea in the other. She talked to herself, not because she was a nutjob, but because she was lonely. She never re-married and only went on one date after my grandfather died. It has always bothered me that she felt so alone.
Grandma was a great cook. She asked me once if I knew how to cook beef kidneys. When I told her no, she responded with a laugh, "Ya boil the piss out of them, kid!" She always made me feel good, safe. One time, she saved my life. I was choking on a piece of peppermint candy and she just reached down my throat and pulled it out. As a freshman in high school, I was hospitalized for what they initially thought was leukemia. When I woke up that first morning, she was there at my bedside and she stayed in town for a few days even though she was losing money by missing work.
The night before her funeral, we gathered at her house and ate pizza, chips and pop. It almost felt normal.
Maybe my grandmother wasn't the most perfect person in the world, but she was the one person I loved more than anyone on this earth. To this day, I see her in my dreams and I struggle to find out why. What message is she sending me? Why do I still dream about her after all these years? And what do I do if they stop?
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no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 04:40 am (UTC)Gosh, I don't know CB. Only you can know.
But I loved this post, absolutely loved it.
Thank you for sharing it.
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Date: 2005-05-23 02:40 pm (UTC)Grandma always sat at the head of the table, cigarette in one hand, a glass of iced tea in the other.
This reminds me of my favorite aunt: Always smoking, smoking, smoking...
To this day, I see her in my dreams and I struggle to find out why. What message is she sending me? Why do I still dream about her after all these years? And what do I do if they stop?
Those are all good questions. To answer them, you must pay attention to what you're feeling, both consciously and in the dream. Does dreaming about her make you happy? Sad? Loved? Could it be that now, particularly since you've gone through such difficulty with your back, it's comforting to you to dream about her?
omg, I sound like a therapist!
no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 03:56 pm (UTC)Haha. I don't have to pay you, do I?
I haven't had a dream about her in months, but I was having a lot before then. They always seemed to center on her becoming ill-more of a lack of closure I think.
As for the boys, they have been following me around the last few days. I don't know what they are gonna do once I go back to work. They are getting spoiled.