Seventies Child

Just when I start to feel better from that flu thing I had a month ago, I get hit with a cold. I feel a bit like Michael Corleone from "Godfather III". I just can't stay away.

So my throat is all scratchy and my ears itch. And my voice, husky enough naturally, has become quite Sling Blade like. Every time I have to clear my throat, the words of Karl Childers run through my febrile mind. And of course, it makes Mrs CB laugh.

Mrs CB: What do you want for dinner
Me: (clears throat) Some a dem french-fried taters be awful nice mmmmmhmmmmmm
Mrs CB: Oh god. Not again with the Sling Blade.
Me: How bout some a dat potted meat too, if ya got any extry mmmmmhmmmmmm
Mrs. CB: (stares at me with mock concern and decides to see if I still have a fever)
Me: Some folks calls it a kaiser knife mmmmhmmmmmm, I calls it a nanner knife on a counts it's shaped like a nanner. mmmmmhmmmmmmm (proceeds to chase Mrs CB throughout the house)

Oh fun times. My best friend and I got drink once and did a conversation between Marge from Fargo, The Rain Man, Karl Childers and Ren & Stimpy. Oh sweet bachelor days...

It's Thursday...I have three days off. I have to start carving pumpkins. The centerpiece for the party next week will be a Martha Stewart pumpkin in a small cage. (I think she got a raw deal in light of the Enron boys, but prisoners are fair game to me). I need to find a skirt(Ick!!) for my costume. I am going as Mary Katherine Gallagher (SNL/Superstar). Mrs CB, refusing to go as a tree for me to make out with, is going as my nun bitch. If I can't find my costume, then I'll go as "Stuart" from madTV. I like to do his voice...especially at work. I don't wanna say. I need to make my tombstones tomorrow as well so I can get them painted. Mmmmmm....jigsaw love!!

Oh...I fixed the curtain rod snafu from last weekend. I can hear the sighs of relief. Thanks.

So...NL, I guess I'll go with St. Louis. I don't think I can ever get over the hideous uniforms the Astros wore when I was growing up. Ever!

I decide to use my day off doing work around the house that has been neglected recently. I taped up the window trim, threw on not one, but TWO coats of white satin paint, took a break to make Mrs CB's favorite meal, and put up the new pretty and ornate curtain rods. I measured my picture window at 104 inches (all the better to see The Burning Bush with) and checked the ros...104 inches as well. So I put up the brackets and place the rod on...there is a two inch gap between the rods...sonuvabitch. Got a plan to rig it without moving the brackets because THAT! would require more patching, sanding and painting. I re-measured the window...108 inches...I probably would have read that correctly if I had put my newer glasses on. But I think they are still stuck in someone's ass in Teh Harem. So, Harem members, please check your asses for my black glasses. Thanks!

What a BEAUTIFUL day! And because it is so beautiful, I have been guilted in to working outside on the house instead of sitting here, researching and playing. I agreed, but insisted that we needed to go to Lowe's first. $100 worth of caulk, paint, painting supplies and gardening shit later, I have become...The Caulk-Master. I finished cleaning away the old caulk on the concrete window ledge, scraped the mother down, and laid a beautiful bead of caulk to seal her up. Bitch asked for a cigarette when I was done. Now...the interior windows.

And there was another sighting of The Burning Bush this afternoon. For those that have never heard this tale, allow me to start at the beginning. One lazy, early summer Sunday morning, I was pulled from my bed by Mrs CB's cries, "My eyes. my eyes!!" Running down the hall, as much as I can run, I breathlessly asked what was wrong. She explained that she had been innocently sitting on the love-seat that faces a rather large picture window, reading the comics. She looked up for the briefest of moments to witness the house dress of the 800lb redhead that lives across the street flying ...upward. Trying to decide whether to laugh or cry, Mrs CB stated that it appeared that she was indeed, a true redhead. Taking in to account this neighbor's propensity to scream obscenities at her spouse and or children at any time during any day (Mother's Day we heard, "Don't FUCK with me, this is MY day!!), we have nicknamed her "The Burning Bush".

And yes, it was a bit breezy today. And bleach in your eyes DOES sting a bit.

Off to do more caulking...painting comes tomorrow.

Spackle is my best friend today. I am going around the house with my little tub of pink goo (it turns white when it dries) and my sweet, sweet putty knife, patching and sanding.

So, if any of you have any holes you need filled, call me and I'll bring my spackle...;)

Next job: auger the bath tub drain...ALWAYS fun.