![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
My mom tried to give me pr0n!
Nov. 26th, 2005 09:15 amWhen I woke up Thanksgiving morning all of the snow from the day before had melted. Then it started up again. Mrs. CB and I spent the morning drinking java, reading the paper and watching the parade before we both hit the road on our respective ways home.
The whole trip, which lasted almost exactly 24 hours, was a lesson in nostalgia. My mom's brother, who is only five years older than I am, joined us this year (he is a bit of a recluse when it comes to family gatherings) and we had a wonderful time talking about my grandmother and her old house. He told us the story of the first time he dared to call my mother a "bitch", (he was 8 or 9, she was in her early 20's) and how she dragged his ass down a flight of wooden steps and over a heating grate before beating his ass. She was pregnant with my brother at the time :) I really need to see that house again. It is the key to so many wonderful memories.
I was introduced to the newest member of the family, my cousin's 8-month old son. He looks like the kid in those Quizno's commercials. The little man has a temper and that got us talking about an infamous Christmas Eve when my oldest nephew was just 4 years old. We were all sitting in the family room, opening gifts when my cousin (he was a teenager then) started throwing wadded up paper balls at my nephew. Chucky (my nephew is nicknamed after the maniacal doll from Child's Play-you figure it out) pulled back his arm and let the paper ball fly, shouting, "Take this, you bastard!" just as everyone had stopped talking. Do you know how hard it is NOT to laugh in a situation like that? Ah, good times.
Yesterday morning I picked up my mom and went with her to pick out her new big screen TV and entertainment center. I am now the ONLY member of my family who does NOT have a TV as big as a house. Of course, Mrs. CB says if I can save up cash to pay for one (I just want a 37" widescreen flat panel HDTV with surround sound /A Christmas Story) without neglecting any other of those bills thingies, I can get one next spring for my big birthday. I can pass. My 27" is TV enough for me ...for now.
While we were waiting for a salesperson, I felt someone hit my shoulder and say, "Hey stranger!" It was a guy I knew from high school who had been madly in love with my sister (most of the school was-she was easy). We wound up in the same Lit class in college and became good friends and even tried that dating thing (uh, yeah, we all know how that worked out). I was genuinely surprised he recognized me because I look nothing like I did in school. Except I do…without the silvery hair.
After a fine brunchy meal at IHOP, Mom and I went to “the old house” so I could grab some of my stuff to take back home with me. “The old house” is the house we lived in while I was in high school and which is now about to go on the market. While cleaning, my folks had put back some family glassware and mementos for me. I found the old books that my mom had used to teach me to read-they are from the 40’s and 50’s-they were her books as a child. My mom cracked open the cedar chest and we sat for an hour looking over old photos. I came home with my baby book, pictures of mom, my sister, and me, old school photos (nuns!) and…my First Communion veil. I guess that I already had a punkin head even as a sweet little eight-year old.
I was going through a box looking for a particular pot when my mom announces, “There’s a skin flick in there if you want it. China Bitch, I think. It wasn’t too bad, but they all pretty much look the same anymore.” Now, how many of your parents ever offered you pr0n? That’s my mom! I declined the tape telling her she should save it for her grandkids and asked her if she wanted a copy of lesbian vampire porn. She declined. I think I'll still give it to her for Christmas.
The most important thing my folks saved for me was a bag of photographs that I thought I had lost. These were pictures of my best friends and me from our graduation parties as well as pics of my 21st birthday celebration. And they were the pictures of Joshua and his brothers from 1987 when we all drove to Myrtle Beach for a week. I am so glad I have these memories. I could do without memories of my 80’s mullet cut, but at least I now have these pics of him.
On my way out of town, I stopped at the restaurant I worked at 20 years ago and was thrilled to see the owner was there. She and her ex were the first lesbians I knew and over the years, our paths have crossed as she has visited Columbus to party in the bars. She was genuinely thrilled to hear that I have finally been “tamed” and promised to give me a call the next time she is in town.
Overall, it was a great 24 hours. Even the drive home was nostalgia inducing as I watched the ski lodge making snow and thought back to those long trips to Grandma’s as a child. My god we thought those hills were the largest mountains in the world. And that 2-hour drive seemed to take half the day. Perspective is a funny thing, innit.
Well, I need to grab a shower so Mrs. CB and I can brave the capitalist carnage known as Christmas Shoppers. I need a new mouse (my scroller dies while I was gone) and I want to see if there are some LARGER keyboards for my large lesbian hands. We need MORE Christmas cards, wine for a party tonight (8:17 pm,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
artskat) and then I think we are gonna see RENT. Then I might come home and clean the bedroom…but I probably won’t
Oh, and the Burning Bush is moving!!! Happy early fucking Christmas to us!
Happy Weekend!
The whole trip, which lasted almost exactly 24 hours, was a lesson in nostalgia. My mom's brother, who is only five years older than I am, joined us this year (he is a bit of a recluse when it comes to family gatherings) and we had a wonderful time talking about my grandmother and her old house. He told us the story of the first time he dared to call my mother a "bitch", (he was 8 or 9, she was in her early 20's) and how she dragged his ass down a flight of wooden steps and over a heating grate before beating his ass. She was pregnant with my brother at the time :) I really need to see that house again. It is the key to so many wonderful memories.
I was introduced to the newest member of the family, my cousin's 8-month old son. He looks like the kid in those Quizno's commercials. The little man has a temper and that got us talking about an infamous Christmas Eve when my oldest nephew was just 4 years old. We were all sitting in the family room, opening gifts when my cousin (he was a teenager then) started throwing wadded up paper balls at my nephew. Chucky (my nephew is nicknamed after the maniacal doll from Child's Play-you figure it out) pulled back his arm and let the paper ball fly, shouting, "Take this, you bastard!" just as everyone had stopped talking. Do you know how hard it is NOT to laugh in a situation like that? Ah, good times.
Yesterday morning I picked up my mom and went with her to pick out her new big screen TV and entertainment center. I am now the ONLY member of my family who does NOT have a TV as big as a house. Of course, Mrs. CB says if I can save up cash to pay for one (I just want a 37" widescreen flat panel HDTV with surround sound /A Christmas Story) without neglecting any other of those bills thingies, I can get one next spring for my big birthday. I can pass. My 27" is TV enough for me ...for now.
While we were waiting for a salesperson, I felt someone hit my shoulder and say, "Hey stranger!" It was a guy I knew from high school who had been madly in love with my sister (most of the school was-she was easy). We wound up in the same Lit class in college and became good friends and even tried that dating thing (uh, yeah, we all know how that worked out). I was genuinely surprised he recognized me because I look nothing like I did in school. Except I do…without the silvery hair.
After a fine brunchy meal at IHOP, Mom and I went to “the old house” so I could grab some of my stuff to take back home with me. “The old house” is the house we lived in while I was in high school and which is now about to go on the market. While cleaning, my folks had put back some family glassware and mementos for me. I found the old books that my mom had used to teach me to read-they are from the 40’s and 50’s-they were her books as a child. My mom cracked open the cedar chest and we sat for an hour looking over old photos. I came home with my baby book, pictures of mom, my sister, and me, old school photos (nuns!) and…my First Communion veil. I guess that I already had a punkin head even as a sweet little eight-year old.
I was going through a box looking for a particular pot when my mom announces, “There’s a skin flick in there if you want it. China Bitch, I think. It wasn’t too bad, but they all pretty much look the same anymore.” Now, how many of your parents ever offered you pr0n? That’s my mom! I declined the tape telling her she should save it for her grandkids and asked her if she wanted a copy of lesbian vampire porn. She declined. I think I'll still give it to her for Christmas.
The most important thing my folks saved for me was a bag of photographs that I thought I had lost. These were pictures of my best friends and me from our graduation parties as well as pics of my 21st birthday celebration. And they were the pictures of Joshua and his brothers from 1987 when we all drove to Myrtle Beach for a week. I am so glad I have these memories. I could do without memories of my 80’s mullet cut, but at least I now have these pics of him.
On my way out of town, I stopped at the restaurant I worked at 20 years ago and was thrilled to see the owner was there. She and her ex were the first lesbians I knew and over the years, our paths have crossed as she has visited Columbus to party in the bars. She was genuinely thrilled to hear that I have finally been “tamed” and promised to give me a call the next time she is in town.
Overall, it was a great 24 hours. Even the drive home was nostalgia inducing as I watched the ski lodge making snow and thought back to those long trips to Grandma’s as a child. My god we thought those hills were the largest mountains in the world. And that 2-hour drive seemed to take half the day. Perspective is a funny thing, innit.
Well, I need to grab a shower so Mrs. CB and I can brave the capitalist carnage known as Christmas Shoppers. I need a new mouse (my scroller dies while I was gone) and I want to see if there are some LARGER keyboards for my large lesbian hands. We need MORE Christmas cards, wine for a party tonight (8:17 pm,
artskat) and then I think we are gonna see RENT. Then I might come home and clean the bedroom…but I probably won’t Oh, and the Burning Bush is moving!!! Happy early fucking Christmas to us!
Happy Weekend!
