Yes, I CAN Go Home Again
Sep. 5th, 2004 07:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cabensonThis is a bit long-winded, so I put it behind a cut tag. Anyone interestd in reading about the exploits of my 20th Class Reunion are more than welcome too. Names have been changed to protect the innocent and hide the guilty.
I went “home” this weekend for my 20 year High School class reunion. Now, “Home” is only 120 miles away…about an hour and a half drive if I speed…and I do…but I seldom go home. I have spent the majority of the past 3 years recuperating from a spinal condition that finally required surgery last summer. Driving, even for just a couple of hours, usually causes me some degree of discomfort, as does visiting my parents. This trip was no exception.
I decided to drive because I have a gorgeous, low-mileage 2001 Chevy Cavalier sport coupe that doesn’t get as much distance driving as Mrs. CB’s Subaru. And the Subaru has gone all ghetto on us with the loss of three hubcaps. Only problem with taking my car is that it has a manual transmission…and Mrs. CB can’t drive the stick…so no sharing of driving duties.
We pulled into my hometown and I made the announcement, “The lesbians are here. Lock up your wives, girlfriends and young daughters.” We then proceeded to the Kewpee for the world’s best damn hamburger. Even Mrs. CB was impressed…she was still talking about them at breakfast this morning.
We checked into our hotel and I was sorely disappointed at not getting a non-smoking room. They would have changed us if they weren’t booked, but I had specifically requested one when I made the reservation. Fuckwads. And, is it just me or does anyone else who has seen the movie “Four Rooms” get a little inkling to check the box springs of a hotel/motel for dead bodies? Just me? Okay.
Our evening began with the Homecoming football game. We arrived just as the rain did and sat through an hour’s delay (so there was lightning. Let ‘em play, gives them a little more incentive to run faster down the field!) before deciding that we would just head to the after-party for Alumni.
For some reason, I have never been recognized at any of earlier reunions that I attended. In fact, I was once asked if I was a graduate from another school who was married to one of the male alumni. Heh heh! This time went a little bit better, but I got a lot of “You have changed so much” and “What’s different about you?” Uh, let’s see: I have longer hair, it is very curly and yes, it is natural; I now wear glasses, but only trendy ones; I have much bigger boobs, and no, I did NOT have them done; oh and I’m as queer as the day is long. Meet my wife? Although I was actually having a blast (found some new pokervictims players) we left early because we needed to meet my mom for breakfast.
The reunion itself was held Saturday night at the school. Nothing like a bunch of bawdy former students desecrating the sacred halls of a Catholic high school with drunken singing, dancing and overall debauchery. One gal, after being told that a new arrival was a former classmate, started hitting on him. Imagine her embarrassment when she found out he was the new priest assigned to the school. Who told her he was a classmate? Me…I am SO EVIL! This same priest also took Mrs. CB on a “Private” tour of the new state-of-the-I’m–so-pissed-we-got-gypped-art addition to the school. She didn’t know how to politely refuse his offer when she let it slip that she was a science teacher. I told her all she needed to say was “I’m gay” and she would have been left alone.
The area the reunion was held in was not air-conditioned. Wearing trendy polyester wear was not the best choice, but we all sweated together. I had only a few very genuine questions asked about Mrs. CB and myself, and when the band was joking “Okay, all the lesbians onstage”, we went up there to a round of applause. Everyone was either accepting, or just ignored us…after all, they ignored me in school too. We passed around a bottle of Dr. Quervo and quietly mused over the physical decline of several of the cheerleaders. Heh heh. I was one of the slimmest gals there and that felt fanfuckingtastic. Let’s see those bitches do the splits now!
When the class whores appeared, Mrs. CB picked up on them right away. I’m so proud of her. They are no where near as blonde as they used to be and look a bit more wrinkled. I realized that being pasty-white isn’t so bad after all. And many of these popular gals, most of whom married upperclassmen, are now divorced or on their second marriage. Kinda sad. We also realized that quite a few members of our class have never married. I offered to take a couple of the gals into my harem (one lives just a few miles from our house), but again, Mrs. CB said no. Meh!
Now for Teh Hottness. I swear, except for gaining weight and losing hair, our class has grown more attractive as we’ve gotten older. Only one person looked really bad, but she is a brittle diabetic who has been ill and drinks like a fish. Kinda like how Kathleen Turner went from “Body Heat” to “Chandler’s dad”. The lovelies are still lovely! KP is gorgeous and genuinely friendly. She gave me the BIGGEST hug (we were band nerds together) when she saw me and when we left, even though we didn’t get a chance to talk. CR is a BIG gal, but she is beautiful. She sat with us for dinner and we talked quite a bit…and I NEVER had a conversation with her in school. AF looked great but her hubby is a big queen. AL looked wonderful. I had not seen her since we graduated and she brought up the fact that I won a kissing contest on the band bus with her boyfriend at the time. Yes! I am THAT good.
We went on a guided tour of the new facilities and saw the old gym…they were having the homecoming dance the same night and our reputations preceded us. We were asked not to crash their dance…too bad. The young ladies were quite scantily attired (we would NEVER have gotten away with attending a school function dressed like that) and it was a hot, humid, sweaty night. And yes, I got punched in the arm by Mrs. CB more than once. And I deserved it.
All in all, we had a wonderful time and I even volunteered to be on the committee (albeit via long-distance) for the 25th reunion. There was only one bad moment and that was at breakfast this morning. My folks met us at Bob Evans and we were hoping to get there first so we could get a table in the non-smoking. No such luck as they were waiting for us. Now, my stepfather knows I am allergic to smoke, that’s why I QUIT smoking. My mother knows and she hates smoke as well, but lets him seat us in smoking. Then he makes some crack about Kerry/Edwards (I am the only Democrat in a family of small minded bigots…and bigamists, but that’s another post altogether). I had to break out the “Abstinence on 2004: No Bush, No Dicks” which shut his fat ass up immediately, and made my mother laugh for a good five minutes. Oh it’s great to go home again.
I went “home” this weekend for my 20 year High School class reunion. Now, “Home” is only 120 miles away…about an hour and a half drive if I speed…and I do…but I seldom go home. I have spent the majority of the past 3 years recuperating from a spinal condition that finally required surgery last summer. Driving, even for just a couple of hours, usually causes me some degree of discomfort, as does visiting my parents. This trip was no exception.
I decided to drive because I have a gorgeous, low-mileage 2001 Chevy Cavalier sport coupe that doesn’t get as much distance driving as Mrs. CB’s Subaru. And the Subaru has gone all ghetto on us with the loss of three hubcaps. Only problem with taking my car is that it has a manual transmission…and Mrs. CB can’t drive the stick…so no sharing of driving duties.
We pulled into my hometown and I made the announcement, “The lesbians are here. Lock up your wives, girlfriends and young daughters.” We then proceeded to the Kewpee for the world’s best damn hamburger. Even Mrs. CB was impressed…she was still talking about them at breakfast this morning.
We checked into our hotel and I was sorely disappointed at not getting a non-smoking room. They would have changed us if they weren’t booked, but I had specifically requested one when I made the reservation. Fuckwads. And, is it just me or does anyone else who has seen the movie “Four Rooms” get a little inkling to check the box springs of a hotel/motel for dead bodies? Just me? Okay.
Our evening began with the Homecoming football game. We arrived just as the rain did and sat through an hour’s delay (so there was lightning. Let ‘em play, gives them a little more incentive to run faster down the field!) before deciding that we would just head to the after-party for Alumni.
For some reason, I have never been recognized at any of earlier reunions that I attended. In fact, I was once asked if I was a graduate from another school who was married to one of the male alumni. Heh heh! This time went a little bit better, but I got a lot of “You have changed so much” and “What’s different about you?” Uh, let’s see: I have longer hair, it is very curly and yes, it is natural; I now wear glasses, but only trendy ones; I have much bigger boobs, and no, I did NOT have them done; oh and I’m as queer as the day is long. Meet my wife? Although I was actually having a blast (found some new poker
The reunion itself was held Saturday night at the school. Nothing like a bunch of bawdy former students desecrating the sacred halls of a Catholic high school with drunken singing, dancing and overall debauchery. One gal, after being told that a new arrival was a former classmate, started hitting on him. Imagine her embarrassment when she found out he was the new priest assigned to the school. Who told her he was a classmate? Me…I am SO EVIL! This same priest also took Mrs. CB on a “Private” tour of the new state-of-the-I’m–so-pissed-we-got-gypped-art addition to the school. She didn’t know how to politely refuse his offer when she let it slip that she was a science teacher. I told her all she needed to say was “I’m gay” and she would have been left alone.
The area the reunion was held in was not air-conditioned. Wearing trendy polyester wear was not the best choice, but we all sweated together. I had only a few very genuine questions asked about Mrs. CB and myself, and when the band was joking “Okay, all the lesbians onstage”, we went up there to a round of applause. Everyone was either accepting, or just ignored us…after all, they ignored me in school too. We passed around a bottle of Dr. Quervo and quietly mused over the physical decline of several of the cheerleaders. Heh heh. I was one of the slimmest gals there and that felt fanfuckingtastic. Let’s see those bitches do the splits now!
When the class whores appeared, Mrs. CB picked up on them right away. I’m so proud of her. They are no where near as blonde as they used to be and look a bit more wrinkled. I realized that being pasty-white isn’t so bad after all. And many of these popular gals, most of whom married upperclassmen, are now divorced or on their second marriage. Kinda sad. We also realized that quite a few members of our class have never married. I offered to take a couple of the gals into my harem (one lives just a few miles from our house), but again, Mrs. CB said no. Meh!
Now for Teh Hottness. I swear, except for gaining weight and losing hair, our class has grown more attractive as we’ve gotten older. Only one person looked really bad, but she is a brittle diabetic who has been ill and drinks like a fish. Kinda like how Kathleen Turner went from “Body Heat” to “Chandler’s dad”. The lovelies are still lovely! KP is gorgeous and genuinely friendly. She gave me the BIGGEST hug (we were band nerds together) when she saw me and when we left, even though we didn’t get a chance to talk. CR is a BIG gal, but she is beautiful. She sat with us for dinner and we talked quite a bit…and I NEVER had a conversation with her in school. AF looked great but her hubby is a big queen. AL looked wonderful. I had not seen her since we graduated and she brought up the fact that I won a kissing contest on the band bus with her boyfriend at the time. Yes! I am THAT good.
We went on a guided tour of the new facilities and saw the old gym…they were having the homecoming dance the same night and our reputations preceded us. We were asked not to crash their dance…too bad. The young ladies were quite scantily attired (we would NEVER have gotten away with attending a school function dressed like that) and it was a hot, humid, sweaty night. And yes, I got punched in the arm by Mrs. CB more than once. And I deserved it.
All in all, we had a wonderful time and I even volunteered to be on the committee (albeit via long-distance) for the 25th reunion. There was only one bad moment and that was at breakfast this morning. My folks met us at Bob Evans and we were hoping to get there first so we could get a table in the non-smoking. No such luck as they were waiting for us. Now, my stepfather knows I am allergic to smoke, that’s why I QUIT smoking. My mother knows and she hates smoke as well, but lets him seat us in smoking. Then he makes some crack about Kerry/Edwards (I am the only Democrat in a family of small minded bigots…and bigamists, but that’s another post altogether). I had to break out the “Abstinence on 2004: No Bush, No Dicks” which shut his fat ass up immediately, and made my mother laugh for a good five minutes. Oh it’s great to go home again.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-09-05 07:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-05 07:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-05 08:10 pm (UTC)You're setting up a harem? ::batting eyelashes::
no subject
Date: 2004-09-06 06:44 am (UTC)And yes, I am setting up a harem and you are already in it. H is cooking, Nic is decorating and you, you my pet shall keep my other bitches in line. ;)
no subject
Date: 2004-09-05 08:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-06 06:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-06 03:05 am (UTC)not just you, no :-)
quietly mused over the physical decline of several of the cheerleaders. Heh heh. I was one of the slimmest gals there and that felt fanfuckingtastic. Let’s see those bitches do the splits now!
ha! sweet revenge!
bigamists? do tell!
glad it went well.
no subject
Date: 2004-09-06 06:51 am (UTC)The bigamist tale...that involves my sister. I am seriously considering writing a novel about her exploits but although I know it is "non-fiction" I am sure it would be touted as true fiction or worse yet, fantasy.
no subject
Date: 2004-09-06 06:56 am (UTC)but then again, coming from me, you shouldn't take that as a compliment.
no subject
Date: 2004-09-09 03:07 pm (UTC)And you come from a family of small-minded bigots? Just like me?
::pushes at your shoulder gently and smiles, looks away, wonders what instrument you played::