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darandkerry's birthday. Ann, thanks for all your help and betawork on my Grey's Anatomy pieces, and apologies for this being a little late.
Title: McSteamy vs. McCreamy: The Whore-off
Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Pairing: Too many to count, but very Erica Hahn focused
Rating: R or M because I'm a perv with a potty mouth
A/N: Totally unbeta-ed, so all mistakes are mine
Warning: VERY, VERY image heavy. May kill dial-up
Dr. Erica Hahn, the consummate professional, is the new Head of the Cardiothoracic Surgery Department at Seattle Grace Hospital, and therefore by definition, she is a whore.
Dr. Mark Sloan is the cock of the walk at Seattle Grace Hospital, and he absolutely hates when people start messing with his turf. And Erica Hahn has started going after his favorite fuck buddy, Dr. Callie Torres.
“Dr. Hahn, I think we may have a small problem. I understand you have taken an interest in Dr. Torres.”
“Dr. Torres and I have become rather friendly lately, so yes, one could say I have taken an interest in her.”
“Well, it’s a shame for you then that it needs to end. Now. Callie’s mine. I saw her first and you…you aren’t ma…er… enough for her. You don’t have what she needs.”
“Wanna bet? I have more than enough for Callie Torres. In fact, I have ‘enough’ to meet the needs of every member of this incestuous drama club you people call a hospital, which is more than I can say for you, Pretty Boy.”
“Are you challenging me to a whore-off, Hahn?”
“I am,” she answered calmly as she threw her dart.
“Fine. Two weeks. One person 10 points, two people at the same time 20 points. You get out in the morning before anybody wakes up; 5 point bonus. “
“No gender specification, Sloan?”
“Not with you as competition. Anything human goes…unless they are comatose, or dead. No repeaters…well, no repeaters until after the contest. Winner gets Callie.
“And the loser gets Yang.”
Mark grimaced, but nodded his head in agreement as they shook hands. “We start tonight,” he said as he walked toward the door.
“Good,” Erica answered as she finished her beer, “Bring it on.”
Word of the McDreamy vs. McCreamy Whore-Off spread through the hospital like wildfire. Eager interns, residents, nurses, even patients and visitors began taking sides as Sloan and Hahn started screwing their way through Seattle Grace.
George overheard the wager between Hahn and Sloan and immediately ran to his ex-wife to tell her that her virtue was on the line. Callie promptly punched him in the face.
Dr. Cristina Yang found the competition advantageous to herself in two ways: 1. she was running the betting pool and the odds were currently in favor of Dr. Sloan, and 2. she herself would finally have the chance to sleep with her idol, Dr. Erica Hahn. Maybe she could get Hahn to wear her scrub cap while she…
She was kind of surprised that Hahn hadn’t approached her yet about getting it on, so she vowed to offer her services to the good doctor the next morning. After all, it was all for Torres’s benefit, wasn’t it?
“Dr. Hahn, I hear you are behind in the contest and I thought I could help. Third floor on-call room in fifteen?
“Not in this lifetime, Yang, I’ll take my chances with the lab techs. Nice try, though.”
Dejected, Cristina headed for the locker room. No sooner had she opened the door than a freaked-out Callie arrived.
“Do you bitches know that Sloan and Hahn are having a whore-off to determine who gets to be a whore with me?” she asked.
Yang smirked. “Hope Sloan wins, Torres. No one deserves to be stuck with McIceBitch.”
“I bet you’ll change your tune when you find out the loser gets YOU, Yang.”
“Bitch, what?”
Now Callie was laughing. “Oh yeah, if Sloan wins he gets me. As the loser, Hahn gets the booby, or should I say ‘lack of boobies’ prize…you."
Cristina suddenly realized that if she ever wanted to make her dream of sleeping with Hahn come true, she would have to make sure the Man Whore won this contest. She needed a plan.
Yang found Sloan in the galley, watching Hahn operate. “We need to talk. You want Torres, I want McCreamy. I’m going to help you win this whore-off.” They whispered through the remainder of the surgery, quietly plotting their strategy for victory.
Later that day, the Fab Five gathered for lunch.
“Hey, have you guys decided who you are picking for the whore-off?” George asked as he approached his friends. “I’m scheduled in the fourth floor on-call room with Hahn in half an hour. I’m kinda scared.”
“Then you probably should have chosen Sloan, Bambi,” Cristina snarled as she checked off George’s name on her clipboard. “Sloan is going to win this contest because I am going to convince everyone in this hospital to choose him. Hahn has no chance against my mighty pimp hand.”
“Well, uhm….” Meredith stuttered, “Izzie and I are heading out to score Hahn some sleep peeps.”
“Yeah,” Izzie answered, “we can out-pimp you ANY day of the week.”
“In your dreams, you patient killing Barbie. Karev, you’re with me.”
“It is SO on, you emotionless, left-at-the-alter robot.”
And with that, Team Sloan and Team Hahn set out in opposite directions to score bodies for their respective attending whore. George took a deep breath, summoned up all the courage he could muster and headed off toward the fourth floor on-call room, silently praying that Hahn would not break him.
“Hi Jeffrey, how are you feeling today. We were just wondering if you would be interested in sleeping with either Dr. Mark Sloan or Dr. Erica Hahn.”
“HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHN!”
“Okay, we’ll sign you up for tomorrow.”
“All of us will take Sloan.”
“At the same time.”
“With breast enhancements.”
“I’d take a piece of Sloan’s ass.”
“Ooh-ooh-ooooh! Pick me, pick me! I want boobies!!!”
“Oh, Dr. Hahn for us, please.”
“Can she dress up like Wonder Woman?”
“Not Wonder Woman, I want Supergirl…”
“We’re pretty open-minded, so I’ll take the Man Whore and she’ll bang the chick…can they fit us in before you deliver the baby?”
“Dr. Wyatt, who do you chose?”
“I’d love to take a McSteamy mustache ride, but oh, have you SEEN Erica Hahn’s hands?…sigh. Erica, definitely.”
“You want me to decide between Hahn and Sloan? Seriously? Meredith, you are such a disappointment…”
“I WANT RICHARD!!!!!!!!!!! Who are you again, dear? You remind me of my daughter.”
“Uhm. Can I choose Dr. Bailey?”
“I’ll do anything to help my fake daughter, Meredith. Sign me up for Dr. Hahn, just as soon as I get rid of these hiccups.”
“Look, all I need is fifteen minutes of your time, maybe less, and then I’ll fix your wife.”
“Oh, Mark…you’re too late, as usual, I already did Erica. Maybe next time.”
“What?!”
“Hey guys,” Derek interrupted, “Mark, why haven’t you asked me to sleep with you for this whore-off. You know I’m more than willing.”
“I’ll sleep with whoever the hell buys me my next bottle of Scotch.”
“Richard, you are looking positively Chiefly today. Supply room in five?”
“Anything for Dr. Torres, Erica.”
“Excellent! See you there.”
“Mer, I really need you to help me here. I HAVE to sleep with Ha-, I mean I HAVE to help Sloan win.”
“Not happening. And sleep in your own bed tonight, whore.”
“Now look, Richard, you have a serious problem in this hospital. A whore-off? Are you crazy? If the lawyers find out-“
“Adele, just make up your mind so I can meet Hahn in the supply closet.”
“Burke, I know you just came back to rub the Harper Avery award in Hahn’s face, but it you sleep with Sloan, maybe I can rub something in her face as well. Come on, you owe me!”
“Lexie, if you sleep with Hahn, I’ll let you be my sister for a whole day, okay?”
“Okay, so what’s the score so far? Is Sloan winning?” Karev asked.
“Yeah, but Hahn is making a comeback, isn’t she, Mer? We are heading out to troll for bodies now.”
Cristina laughed as she gathered her things and walked away, “Try not to kill them first. C’mon Karev, we have work to do.”
“Yang is telling people that Erica sucks in bed, and she SO does not. I want Erica!!! You need to help her win, dammit!
“Dr. Hahn, I’m sorry, but Dr. Sloan is ahead and we can’t seem to find enough people to catch up.”
“Dammit! Go find Yang and see if she can help scare up some takers. She’s always good at finding someone to screw.”
“Well, that’s the problem. She’s telling people that you, uhm, you’re not…”
“Spit it out Grey!”
“She’s telling people that your ‘conquests’ were less than satisfied when you were done with them.”
“That cheating little shit! Find Stevens and wait for me in the ambulance bay. I’ll take care of Yang.”
Erica hunted for Yang throughout the hospital and when she finally found her, it took all of her willpower not to choke her where she stood. Little freak would probably get off on it. “I know what you’re doing Yang, and it won’t work.”
“Even if I lose, I’m still not sleeping with you. So, unless you want me to stuff your skinny little ass in some drawer down in the morgue where they will NEVER find you, I strongly suggest you stop your shit now.”
“Ah, Dr. Hahn. Only two days left in the contest and you are really trailing behind me.”
“Funny, Sloan, the only thing I see trailing behind you is a line of people needing antibiotics,” Erica said as an idea began forming in her brilliant mind. “You and your boyfriend better get used to spending time together, cause when I win this contest, no one will want you any more.” Erica turned quickly and headed for the ambulance bay.
“Big talk for such a sma... uhm, med…uhm…big girl," Sloan shouted at the retreating blonde. “C’mon, Pretty, let’s go get some coffee.”
“Okay, Stevens, we have a lot of catching up to do, so let’s start getting these rescue workers lined up.”
“I think this ambulance is empty…”
“Oh, and you might want to tell a few close friends that one of the lab techs told me that Sloan has syphilis. A new strain of condom-breaching syphilis. He probably won’t even live to see the end of the contest.”
“Anyone here interested in helping me win the whore-off?”
“Good. Follow me.”
“Seriously, Mark, this is the last time I’m offering.”
“Someone want to tell me what all of these slackers are doing just standing around while we have sick people to attend to?”
“We’re in line to sleep with Dr. Hahn. Sloan has syph and we’re short on penicillin. The contest ends in two hours…”
“You stupid, stupid man whore. You never had a chance. She’s Erica Hahn, for crying out loud.”
Everyone waited anxiously while Hahn and Sloan tallied up their scores.
“Well, Sloan. Looks like I beat you.”
“I don’t get it…they just stopped picking me.”
“Well, sorry for your loss. Hope that potentially fatal case of syphilis you contracted can be cured in time. Maybe your boyfriend can help you with that. I’m off to find Callie and get us both the hell out of here.”
“See baby, I told you I would win. “
“I never had a doubt.”
“And the man doesn’t even realize I never slept with ANY of them. Paying them off was a brilliant idea.”
“Lucky you hooked up with an heiress, huh. Let’s go to my place and celebrate.”
“Dammit!”
“I can’t believe Yang kept trying to get you to sleep with her.”
“I know!”
“Oh, Callie. Dr. Hahn. So wonderful to have you here and congratulations on you victory over Dr. Sloan.”
“Yang, you can drop the suck up act. I’m still not impressed.”
“Huh? You know what? Never mind, I’m going to bed.”
“Yang, wait a minute.”
“How do you feel about threesomes?”
“What do you say, Cristina?”
“Seriously? I’m down with that.”
“All right then, Callie, let’s go show Yang how to really sleep with a mentor.”
darandkerry's birthday. Ann, thanks for all your help and betawork on my Grey's Anatomy pieces, and apologies for this being a little late.Title: McSteamy vs. McCreamy: The Whore-off
Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Pairing: Too many to count, but very Erica Hahn focused
Rating: R or M because I'm a perv with a potty mouth
A/N: Totally unbeta-ed, so all mistakes are mine
Warning: VERY, VERY image heavy. May kill dial-up
Dr. Erica Hahn, the consummate professional, is the new Head of the Cardiothoracic Surgery Department at Seattle Grace Hospital, and therefore by definition, she is a whore.
Dr. Mark Sloan is the cock of the walk at Seattle Grace Hospital, and he absolutely hates when people start messing with his turf. And Erica Hahn has started going after his favorite fuck buddy, Dr. Callie Torres.
“Dr. Hahn, I think we may have a small problem. I understand you have taken an interest in Dr. Torres.”
“Dr. Torres and I have become rather friendly lately, so yes, one could say I have taken an interest in her.”
“Well, it’s a shame for you then that it needs to end. Now. Callie’s mine. I saw her first and you…you aren’t ma…er… enough for her. You don’t have what she needs.”
“Wanna bet? I have more than enough for Callie Torres. In fact, I have ‘enough’ to meet the needs of every member of this incestuous drama club you people call a hospital, which is more than I can say for you, Pretty Boy.”
“Are you challenging me to a whore-off, Hahn?”
“I am,” she answered calmly as she threw her dart.
“Fine. Two weeks. One person 10 points, two people at the same time 20 points. You get out in the morning before anybody wakes up; 5 point bonus. “
“No gender specification, Sloan?”
“Not with you as competition. Anything human goes…unless they are comatose, or dead. No repeaters…well, no repeaters until after the contest. Winner gets Callie.
“And the loser gets Yang.”
Mark grimaced, but nodded his head in agreement as they shook hands. “We start tonight,” he said as he walked toward the door.
“Good,” Erica answered as she finished her beer, “Bring it on.”
Word of the McDreamy vs. McCreamy Whore-Off spread through the hospital like wildfire. Eager interns, residents, nurses, even patients and visitors began taking sides as Sloan and Hahn started screwing their way through Seattle Grace.
George overheard the wager between Hahn and Sloan and immediately ran to his ex-wife to tell her that her virtue was on the line. Callie promptly punched him in the face.
Dr. Cristina Yang found the competition advantageous to herself in two ways: 1. she was running the betting pool and the odds were currently in favor of Dr. Sloan, and 2. she herself would finally have the chance to sleep with her idol, Dr. Erica Hahn. Maybe she could get Hahn to wear her scrub cap while she…
She was kind of surprised that Hahn hadn’t approached her yet about getting it on, so she vowed to offer her services to the good doctor the next morning. After all, it was all for Torres’s benefit, wasn’t it?
“Dr. Hahn, I hear you are behind in the contest and I thought I could help. Third floor on-call room in fifteen?
“Not in this lifetime, Yang, I’ll take my chances with the lab techs. Nice try, though.”
Dejected, Cristina headed for the locker room. No sooner had she opened the door than a freaked-out Callie arrived.
“Do you bitches know that Sloan and Hahn are having a whore-off to determine who gets to be a whore with me?” she asked.
Yang smirked. “Hope Sloan wins, Torres. No one deserves to be stuck with McIceBitch.”
“I bet you’ll change your tune when you find out the loser gets YOU, Yang.”
“Bitch, what?”
Now Callie was laughing. “Oh yeah, if Sloan wins he gets me. As the loser, Hahn gets the booby, or should I say ‘lack of boobies’ prize…you."
Cristina suddenly realized that if she ever wanted to make her dream of sleeping with Hahn come true, she would have to make sure the Man Whore won this contest. She needed a plan.
Yang found Sloan in the galley, watching Hahn operate. “We need to talk. You want Torres, I want McCreamy. I’m going to help you win this whore-off.” They whispered through the remainder of the surgery, quietly plotting their strategy for victory.
Later that day, the Fab Five gathered for lunch.
“Hey, have you guys decided who you are picking for the whore-off?” George asked as he approached his friends. “I’m scheduled in the fourth floor on-call room with Hahn in half an hour. I’m kinda scared.”
“Then you probably should have chosen Sloan, Bambi,” Cristina snarled as she checked off George’s name on her clipboard. “Sloan is going to win this contest because I am going to convince everyone in this hospital to choose him. Hahn has no chance against my mighty pimp hand.”
“Well, uhm….” Meredith stuttered, “Izzie and I are heading out to score Hahn some sleep peeps.”
“Yeah,” Izzie answered, “we can out-pimp you ANY day of the week.”
“In your dreams, you patient killing Barbie. Karev, you’re with me.”
“It is SO on, you emotionless, left-at-the-alter robot.”
And with that, Team Sloan and Team Hahn set out in opposite directions to score bodies for their respective attending whore. George took a deep breath, summoned up all the courage he could muster and headed off toward the fourth floor on-call room, silently praying that Hahn would not break him.
“Hi Jeffrey, how are you feeling today. We were just wondering if you would be interested in sleeping with either Dr. Mark Sloan or Dr. Erica Hahn.”
“HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHN!”
“Okay, we’ll sign you up for tomorrow.”
“All of us will take Sloan.”
“At the same time.”
“With breast enhancements.”
“I’d take a piece of Sloan’s ass.”
“Ooh-ooh-ooooh! Pick me, pick me! I want boobies!!!”
“Oh, Dr. Hahn for us, please.”
“Can she dress up like Wonder Woman?”
“Not Wonder Woman, I want Supergirl…”
“We’re pretty open-minded, so I’ll take the Man Whore and she’ll bang the chick…can they fit us in before you deliver the baby?”
“Dr. Wyatt, who do you chose?”
“I’d love to take a McSteamy mustache ride, but oh, have you SEEN Erica Hahn’s hands?…sigh. Erica, definitely.”
“You want me to decide between Hahn and Sloan? Seriously? Meredith, you are such a disappointment…”
“I WANT RICHARD!!!!!!!!!!! Who are you again, dear? You remind me of my daughter.”
“Uhm. Can I choose Dr. Bailey?”
“I’ll do anything to help my fake daughter, Meredith. Sign me up for Dr. Hahn, just as soon as I get rid of these hiccups.”
“Look, all I need is fifteen minutes of your time, maybe less, and then I’ll fix your wife.”
“Oh, Mark…you’re too late, as usual, I already did Erica. Maybe next time.”
“What?!”
“Hey guys,” Derek interrupted, “Mark, why haven’t you asked me to sleep with you for this whore-off. You know I’m more than willing.”
“I’ll sleep with whoever the hell buys me my next bottle of Scotch.”
“Richard, you are looking positively Chiefly today. Supply room in five?”
“Anything for Dr. Torres, Erica.”
“Excellent! See you there.”
“Mer, I really need you to help me here. I HAVE to sleep with Ha-, I mean I HAVE to help Sloan win.”
“Not happening. And sleep in your own bed tonight, whore.”
“Now look, Richard, you have a serious problem in this hospital. A whore-off? Are you crazy? If the lawyers find out-“
“Adele, just make up your mind so I can meet Hahn in the supply closet.”
“Burke, I know you just came back to rub the Harper Avery award in Hahn’s face, but it you sleep with Sloan, maybe I can rub something in her face as well. Come on, you owe me!”
“Lexie, if you sleep with Hahn, I’ll let you be my sister for a whole day, okay?”
“Okay, so what’s the score so far? Is Sloan winning?” Karev asked.
“Yeah, but Hahn is making a comeback, isn’t she, Mer? We are heading out to troll for bodies now.”
Cristina laughed as she gathered her things and walked away, “Try not to kill them first. C’mon Karev, we have work to do.”
“Yang is telling people that Erica sucks in bed, and she SO does not. I want Erica!!! You need to help her win, dammit!
“Dr. Hahn, I’m sorry, but Dr. Sloan is ahead and we can’t seem to find enough people to catch up.”
“Dammit! Go find Yang and see if she can help scare up some takers. She’s always good at finding someone to screw.”
“Well, that’s the problem. She’s telling people that you, uhm, you’re not…”
“Spit it out Grey!”
“She’s telling people that your ‘conquests’ were less than satisfied when you were done with them.”
“That cheating little shit! Find Stevens and wait for me in the ambulance bay. I’ll take care of Yang.”
Erica hunted for Yang throughout the hospital and when she finally found her, it took all of her willpower not to choke her where she stood. Little freak would probably get off on it. “I know what you’re doing Yang, and it won’t work.”
“Even if I lose, I’m still not sleeping with you. So, unless you want me to stuff your skinny little ass in some drawer down in the morgue where they will NEVER find you, I strongly suggest you stop your shit now.”
“Ah, Dr. Hahn. Only two days left in the contest and you are really trailing behind me.”
“Funny, Sloan, the only thing I see trailing behind you is a line of people needing antibiotics,” Erica said as an idea began forming in her brilliant mind. “You and your boyfriend better get used to spending time together, cause when I win this contest, no one will want you any more.” Erica turned quickly and headed for the ambulance bay.
“Big talk for such a sma... uhm, med…uhm…big girl," Sloan shouted at the retreating blonde. “C’mon, Pretty, let’s go get some coffee.”
“Okay, Stevens, we have a lot of catching up to do, so let’s start getting these rescue workers lined up.”
“I think this ambulance is empty…”
“Oh, and you might want to tell a few close friends that one of the lab techs told me that Sloan has syphilis. A new strain of condom-breaching syphilis. He probably won’t even live to see the end of the contest.”
“Anyone here interested in helping me win the whore-off?”
“Good. Follow me.”
“Seriously, Mark, this is the last time I’m offering.”
“Someone want to tell me what all of these slackers are doing just standing around while we have sick people to attend to?”
“We’re in line to sleep with Dr. Hahn. Sloan has syph and we’re short on penicillin. The contest ends in two hours…”
“You stupid, stupid man whore. You never had a chance. She’s Erica Hahn, for crying out loud.”
Everyone waited anxiously while Hahn and Sloan tallied up their scores.
“Well, Sloan. Looks like I beat you.”
“I don’t get it…they just stopped picking me.”
“Well, sorry for your loss. Hope that potentially fatal case of syphilis you contracted can be cured in time. Maybe your boyfriend can help you with that. I’m off to find Callie and get us both the hell out of here.”
“See baby, I told you I would win. “
“I never had a doubt.”
“And the man doesn’t even realize I never slept with ANY of them. Paying them off was a brilliant idea.”
“Lucky you hooked up with an heiress, huh. Let’s go to my place and celebrate.”
“Dammit!”
“I can’t believe Yang kept trying to get you to sleep with her.”
“I know!”
“Oh, Callie. Dr. Hahn. So wonderful to have you here and congratulations on you victory over Dr. Sloan.”
“Yang, you can drop the suck up act. I’m still not impressed.”
“Huh? You know what? Never mind, I’m going to bed.”
“Yang, wait a minute.”
“How do you feel about threesomes?”
“What do you say, Cristina?”
“Seriously? I’m down with that.”
“All right then, Callie, let’s go show Yang how to really sleep with a mentor.”
