CB's Question of the Day

[cabenson]

Yesterday, after having lunch (margaritas!!) and getting some crap for the house, Mrs. CB and I hit the comic book store. Nothing grabbed our attention (except for the convo between two guys who will both NEVER get laid) so we grabbed a couple of the local indy rags and went home.

Later, Mrs. CB read the following personal ad:

Professional, Jewish shemale priest ISO (in search of) para or quadraplegic Asian ladyboy for nude communion and wheelchair races.

People really submit this stuff?!


So my question is:

If you were to write your LJ personal ad, how would it read?

Anonymous comments welcome and IP tracking is turned off, so be honest and have at it.

I gotta take fat bastard to the vet

Comments

[maroukian.livejournal.com]

Zealous Wonder Woman fan looking for someone in shiny satin tights and knee-high red rubber boots, fighting for our right to wear over-sized eye-glasses and headbands.
You got gold bullet-deflector bracelets and golden lasso? You get extra points.
You look like Linda Carter? You get extra points.
You got an invisible plane? Marry me.

[sooozie1982.livejournal.com]

That is..a really specific personal ad. Haha.

Idiot seeks clingy, childish, manipulative man for a few years of mind games. Must either be attached to mom's apron strings, or totally estranged. Normal men need not apply.

At least, that should be my personal. That's all I can attract it seems! Haha!

[cleo]

White southern farmer single mother republican lesbian with a mother complex seeks woman between 45 and 65 with wants to be a mother complex to match.

[theholyinnocent.livejournal.com]

Fat neurotic slacker, seeks someone of great patience and a splendid rack. Greatest dream is to write operetta based on Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart." Still remembers Space: 1999 episodes in their entirety. Sometimes when we touch, the honesty's too much, but I'll make us a pitcher of martinis afterwards and you won't remember a thing.

[roman-machine.livejournal.com]

See icon. ----->

Might as well get right to the point, no? :)

[stargazer1960.livejournal.com]

My ad:

Femme who thinks she's a butch, nerd who thinks she's a rockstar, artist who thinks she's an athlete, peacemaker who thinks she's a warrior, teacher who thinks she "can" seeks woman who celebrates being everything nobody expects of her.

[noir-moll.livejournal.com]

Lanky, cranky self-centered tomboy with foul mouth and latent redneck tendencies (has been known to shoot discarded plumbing fixtures on the side of rural roads) seeks femme fatale with legs 'til Tuesday for torrid love affair and eventual betrayal in which I'm left bleeding to death in dark alley while femme fatale flees to Buenos Aires with the loot from the heist we did...or, seeks Girl Friday with heart of gold to save me from my femme fatale fixation.